Forgiveness

Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you (Norman Vincent Peale)

As I've blogged before, I am a very passionate person. I feel all emotions with an intensity that is, at times, almost overwhelming. Hurt and anger, are no exceptions. I have worked really hard at being the kind of person that can just let things roll right off of me, but there are times, justifiably so, when I can't keep these feelings at bay. Unfortunately this happened this week. You've already read my previous blog and some of you have sent some very nice messages of encouragement - thank you. I got my feelings hurt by someone I love - the details are not important. The point is...we have worked through it. The thing about "hurt" and "anger" is that if we don't allow ourselves to forgive the person who invoked these feelings, they will grow stronger and stronger until they consume us. Resentment is an ugly thing. Holding grudges is even uglier. Forgiveness is liberating because it allows us to truly release the hurt and anger that we feel.

I'm not saying that we should all be a bunch of push-overs and let others trample all over our feelings...quite the opposite. There are times when anger is warranted and so is an apology from the person who provoked you. But...once that sincere apology is received...LET...IT...GO! I try to live my life this way and I know that it benefits me just as much as the person I forgive:-) So, I don't feel deeply sad anymore - today I feel happy.

I am deeply sad today

When did it become so important to share one's opinions. Especially if those opinions are malicious or hurtful. It seems, in our society, that we encourage people to pass judgement on others and point out all the ways that they are better than the other person. We view this as witty or clever. Why? Why do we feel the need to spread such ugliness? I'm not saying we should live in the land of Mr. Rogers, but there is a big difference between pointing out real injustices in the world: child abuse, poverty, racism...and taking cheap shots at other people to make us feel better about ourselves. There is just so much ugliness in the world - why add to it. Why can't we just lead by example - live our lives as a testament to the beliefs that we hold dear - let our actions speak for us.

I am deeply sad today

Here's the thing about having a blog...it is great when you have great anecdotes or philosophies about life to share...it is NOT great when you let it go for a while and it just looms over your head. The longer you go without blogging the more convinced you become that your next blog must be a GREAT one. So, I've let this pressure build for too long & I've decided to just get it over with and blog something so I can move on and start blogging again on a regular basis. Drum roll please.....

Yesterday afternoon, I had just gotten behind the wheel of my car and turned it on when a sweet little voice came from the backseat and said clearly: "Oh, Mommy I can't see. The window is all f*cked up." Visual jaw drop! I spun around in my seat quickly and calmly asked: "what did you say?" Again Jessica said: "It's all f*cked up - use the wipers to fix it." I paused and looked at the windshield...fog...she meant fogged up. "Fogged up sweety. The window is fogged up." "Yes, it's fogged up - use your wipers Mommy- I can't see."

Kids say the best things.

Drinking Problem

So we are already half way through March...let's check in to see how I am doing so far on my 2010 goals that I posted on January 1st.

1. make time to exercise --- NOPE
2. get my family on a healthier diet -- NOPE
3. finish my teaching license --- I'm student teaching right now
4. get a full-time teaching job --- NOPE
5. sorry, but this one's a secret --- NOT EVEN CLOSE

Wow...not looking to good for the Katester! I could make a bunch of excuses, but I won't. Instead, I have decided to tackle just ONE of those goals right now & boy is it a doozy. To be honest, I'm not even going to tackle the whole goal...just one aspect of the goal.

For those of you closest to me, you know about my drinking problem. I drink an absolutely insane amount of Diet Mountain Dew. I got hooked while I was making my long commute back and forth from Canton to Cleveland for over 2 years. I LOVE the stuff and can't start my day without it...but it doesn't end there. I don't just drink a can in the morning to kick-start my day. Nope. I drink 3 or 4 cans in the morning and then a few more during the day finishing up with a couple in the early evening (none right before bed...even I'm not that crazy). So, why do I tell you all this? Drum roll please................

I have decided to stop drinking pop.

Not cut back - but stop!!! No more Diet Mountain Dew (I almost can't type the words). So far, I've only been up a couple of hours and I am already completely dragging and crabby without my Dew. I have a feeling this is going to be rough...poor Bill!

So for those of you who may see or talk to me today - watch out - this isn't going to be pretty!

I know...I'm the worst blogger ever, right? Every day an idea pops into my head and I think - remember to blog about this tonight - and then the day gets away from me. If only there were a few more hours in the day.

Student teaching is going really well, but that's not really what today's blog is about. I decided to wear a knee length skirt today to school. The weather was nice and I was sick of wearing pants (that doesn't sound exactly right, but you know what I mean). I felt fairly sassy in my little outfit as I entered the school, but quickly realized that today was going to be filled with countless awestruck looks by little eyes. Just for the record, this doesn't bother me. I went through my day, answering questions from curious little minds, almost like a walking science exhibit.

Again, this doesn't really bother me...well, not too much anyway. Yes, there is a part of me that gets a little weary of being treated like a side-show. And of course, I would LOVE to have my old leg back. But, since my magic wand isn't working, that's not looking too likely. Here's the thing - in a lot of ways I prefer days when I am wearing shorts or a skirt. At least on those days people can see my leg and know why I am walking oddly. With one quick glance they say: "Oh, she has an artificial leg" (or as kids call it: a robot leg...that never gets old). In contrast, on days when the leg is covered, I actually feel more self-conscious because I know people are looking at me and wondering: why is she walking like that? What's wrong with her? On those days, I almost wish I had a tshirt that said: Fake leg. Get over it!

So today was pretty liberating. At least now everyone in the school knows why I walk so bizarrely and they can stop speculating. I will confess though that there is a part of me, the ornery part of me, that still has to suppress the urge to say: "shark attack" when people ask me - so,how did you lose your leg? What can I say...I'm rotten.