"Lighten up Francis"

I was rereading some of my recent blogs to get an idea for today's post and I thought to myself: "Lighten up, Francis!"

...and that quote got me thinking...

Does today's generation of teens have the same type of shared pop-culture references that mine does? If I say "lighten up Francis" to a peer, it is almost a certainty that they will know that I am quoting the movie Stripes. Or what about if I say "I feel the need...the need for speed?" If you are about my age you are going to know that came from Top Gun. We have a shared reference guide of movies that almost all of us watched repeatedly as kids. It's hard for me to imagine that today's tweens will be able to do this in about 20 years. Movies just aren't the same. Yes, there are amazing action films and romantic comedies, but when was the last time you saw a movie like Breakfast Club? Would today's teens even want to watch it? Maybe I'm just biased but I think the 80's produced some fantastic movies - maybe not by critics standards - but movies that we could relate to. Movies that we wanted to watch over and over again. So, today I am going to share Katie's list of most quotable 80's films...but I'm only going to give you the quote. How many of these can you get before you click on the link? Enjoy!

1. "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"
2. "Ooh. Sexy Girlfriend."
3. "Yeah and your looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up."
4. "I thought this was a party. LET'S DANCE!"
5. "Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, d*ckheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
6. "Don't threaten me Al! You're out of shape, I'll kick your arse."
7. "So, why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?"
8. "I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh?"
9. "You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot."
10. "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

Well...how'd you do? Did I miss any of your favorites? Feel free to share others in the comments section!

Not Funny

Brace yourselves! I am about to climb up onto my soap box and really rant!

...big inhale...

"You're such a retard."

"What, do you ride the short-bus or something?"

We've all heard these types of comments made in jest at the expense of someone who has done something stupid. Everyone laughs, usually even the recipient, like it's a hilarious jab. Our own president even joked on Leno that his bowling was like the special olympics. When did it become o.k. to make fun of those that can't defend themselves? I'll be the first to admit that as a child I probably made such thoughtless comments thinking that I was really dishing a good insult...but then I grew up.

These are real people with real struggles and yet somehow it has become witty for comedians like Bill Maher to make offensive comments like: "Sarah Palin agreed to do commentary at Fox News. Which is actually very similar to her day job - talking to a baby with Down Syndrome." Did I miss the joke? Who actually finds this funny?

Some of you might be reading this thinking - Lighten up Katie...it's just a joke. Take a look at the picture above. That amazing little boy wants nothing more than to be loved. He loves unconditionally. I can't lighten up, because he is counting on me to fight his battles for him. So the next time you want to give someone a good zing...be a little more creative. Don't denigrate someone like my son just because you aren't clever enough to come up with anything original.

In other words, grow up.

Curve Balls

I was talking with a friend yesterday about life and how it doesn't seem to go the way we think it's going to. Most of us go through college and graduate with idealistic expectations. We can see our future...and it looks good. We honestly think we have it all figured out - that we can actually control our lives. If only it were that simple.

So then, we get pitched a curve ball by life. We swing and we miss. Now what? If you're anything like me, this makes you mad. This isn't the way things were supposed to go! I had a plan! I was supposed to be the stay-at-home Super Mom; taking the kids to the park and the pool; running around the backyard playing tag; & taking the kids for long bike rides. I wasn't supposed to be the Mom who can't keep up with her children. Having an artificial leg was not part of the plan. I was supposed to have these amazingly typical children that I would sit and do arts and crafts with and help practice T-Ball. I was not supposed to have children that scream and cry because they are frustrated that they can't talk. Autism was not a part of the plan either.

So the plan was shot to hell...now what? This is the point in life when we actually do regain control. We control how these curve balls are going to change us. First of all, let's all realize that NO ONE'S life goes exactly according to their plan. NO ONE is exempt from the curve balls of life. We are not alone in our struggles even if, at times, it feels like we are. We are all just trying to carve out the best life for ourselves that we can with what we've been given.

So the plan changes. Now the plan is to be the best Mom that I am capable of being. To make sure my children get the help they need to reach their individual potentials. To let these curve balls make me a better, stronger person than the person I was before. The new plan really isn't that bad - just different.

So yesterday was a huge victory for us. We had friends over for dinner. For most people this would be no big deal, but for us it was huge. How are the kids going to behave? Are we going to have meltdowns? Will we even be able to sit down and eat a normal meal with this couple or will it be a 3-ring circus all evening? We knew the risks but we gave it a shot and it paid off. The kids were fabulous - playing independently yet acknowledging that we had visitors. Bill and I were able to sit and eat while the kids played. The kids got peacefully tired and went right to sleep without a fight, allowing us to continue visiting until after 10 o'clock. When our guests left I looked at Bill and said: "that was perfect." I was so proud of the children. It was so nice to just sit and talk with other "grown-ups" for a change. In that instant I felt like we had a normal life, things actually resembled the original picture that I had in my head all those years ago. Maybe the plan had changed but maybe the outcome would be the same.

I know that today or tomorrow could throw me another curve ball. I could have another set-back with the children's progress or another in-your-face example of the limitations that my leg places on me, but I feel optimistic. I know that on those hard days I can stop and pull out the pictures in my mind from last night's victory when life seemed so normal. So the next time that I strike out, I will know to step right back into the batter's box.

Walking in my shoes...

I've always loved to read. I'll be honest and tell you that my favorite author of all time is Steven King - surprising I know considering what a big scaredy cat I am - but it's true. His descriptive writing just completely sucks me in every time and I find myself sitting at 2:00 a.m. unable to put the book down even though I'm sitting with all the lights on, completely terrified (maybe that's why I haven't read any of his books lately...I need my sleep too much). But I also love the typical "chick books." Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series is definitely a guilty pleasure. This series has adventure, laugh-out-loud humor and a ton of totally hot romance...a nice escape for any 35-year-old mother of two.

Unfortunately, even though I love to read, I don't get to indulge nearly as often as I would like because of my insanely hectic lifestyle. So when I do decide to read these days I have to make sure it is worth my time. I received House Rules by Jodi Picoult as a Mother's Day gift and so far I have not been disappointed. Without giving too much away, the story is about an 18-year-old boy with Asperger's - a high-functioning form of Autism. He is a senior in high school and still lives with his mother and younger brother...oh, and by the way, he's being charged with murder. First of all, let me say that I am a huge Jodi Picoult fan. I have read many of her books and love her writing style. This book is no exception, but it hits a little too close to home. I am only half way through the book and have already had to put it down many times because of the emotions it has evoked in me: sadness, frustration, fear...

As the mother of two children with autism I can't help but internalize this story. Picoult has done her research, because this boy is not just a combination of stereotypical autistic traits, but I can picture him in my mind and see him as a real person. Sometimes he reminds me of my son - sometimes my daughter - sometimes of a friend's child I know with Aspergers. But most of all, she has really hit on the fears that we mothers of children with autism feel. What does the future hold for our children? Will society ever accept them? Will they ever have friends or feel a part of our world? Are they really happy? Will they ever be independent or will they need us, desperately, for the rest of their lives? These are questions that I have asked myself countless times. What does our future look like as a family? Will it ever - ever - resemble anything normal?

I'm not done yet so I don't know how the book will turn out, but I do know that I can already say I would recommend it to everyone. Not because of the actual story - maybe I'll hate the ending - instead because it can help let people into my world, a world that completely and totally revolves around autism. It may not be a world I would have chosen to live in - but it is a world, unlike the mother in this book, that I fight daily to live in and not just survive. Like a lot of mother's of children with autism, she has no joy in her life and is just barely making it through the days. Autism has taken a lot from me, but I refuse to let it steal my happiness no matter how hard I have to work to create it.

Count Your Blessings...

Jesus, bless me while I sleep tonight. God bless Mommy and Daddy and Will and Jessica, Nana and Poppy and Grandma and Grandpa, my aunts and uncles and cousins and all my loved ones. God bless all those that are in pain and suffering. Please help me to go right to sleep and to have a nice long peaceful night’s rest and help me to always be a good little boy/girl. In Jesus name I pray…Amen.

Every night I say this prayer twice - once with each of the children while they lay tucked snuggling beneath their blankets. I have recited this prayer to them from the day they were born, recently adding a pause at the end so they can say “Amen.” While I am sure they value the structure of saying this prayer just before going to sleep, I am equally sure that I am the real beneficiary here. Each night, it reminds me of all the blessings that we, as a family, have in our lives. Our family is blessed with a Mommy and Daddy who love and support each other; a son and daughter who bring joy to everyone who meets them; grandparents who are an active and positive piece of our lives; an extended family who is supportive and caring; and teachers, therapists and doctors who genuinely care about the children’s future. That is a lot of blessings. Life with Autism can be so overwhelming and hectic that we forget to stop and think about just how blessed we are. I am blessed. Blessed to have children who continue daily to amaze me with their strength and inner peace. Blessed to have a husband who never fails to make me laugh even on the toughest of days. Blessed to have family and friends whose faith in me gives me strength to get up each day and face life with an optimistic heart. Let me say it again...I am blessed.

It seems so simple and obvious, right? I mean, who isn’t grateful for the blessings in their life? But it is often harder than you would think. There are days when I am so overwhelmed with the heartache of Autism that I feel angry at God for giving my children such life-altering struggles. Why them? Why me? On really bad days these unanswerable questions can overshadow all the blessings that I take for granted daily: my children, family, friends, dedicated therapists and doctors…none of these are guarantees, and it is important to remember that.

So yesterday we went to my parents' house in the morning because my brother and his son, Woody, were visiting while his wife was out of town. I was holding my adorable nephew when Will came into the room swinging his Slinky Poptube wildly about. I said: "Will, say hi to Woody." Will stopped. Looked closely at his 9 month old cousin - smiled the most precious smile I've ever seen - leaned in slowly - gave Woody a soft kiss on the cheek and another little smile filled with love - and then went on his happy way. I thought we were all going to melt...what a special moment. I took a snap-shot in my head to pull out on tough days when I'm feeling frustrated by Will's struggles. This moment was a victory.

The hardships are obvious – you don’t need to look for them – but don’t miss the many blessings – they are there.