Hell is too nice for some people

I kind of don't even know where to start today. If I was talking to you face-to-face you would be able to see the anger and sadness that I am feeling. Most of you have probably heard the horrific story about the mother who murdered her two children with Autism. As you can imagine, this story hits very close to home. Raising two children with Autism is a daily struggle (to put it lightly). There are days when I am so overwhelmed that I can barely push on...but I do. Not for me - not for my husband - but for my two children. You may think I'm heartless but I feel no pity for this woman. NONE! I know there will be parents in the autism community that will try to defend her actions as a cry for help, or excuse it because "no one reached out to her." Sorry...that's crap. The only victims in this story are the two children who stared helplessly at their own mother as she squeezed their last breaths out of them. I can't even imagine what must have been going through their little minds. This is the one person in the world who they were supposed to be able to count on no matter what. The one person who would always love them despite their disability. The one person who was supposed to fight for them with everything in her until they got the help they needed. It may not sound Christian, but hell is too nice for some people.

Autism destroys lives…but it doesn’t have to. As a mother of two young children with Autism, I know how overwhelming the effects of this destructive disorder can be on a family. With the financial pressures caused by expensive therapies and doctors’ visits; the heartbreak of seeing your child exhibit bizarre, frightening, and sometimes dangerous behaviors; the exhaustion of countless nights without sleep; and the paralyzing fear of what the unknown future holds, it is no wonder Autism is strongly associated with child abuse, depression, and divorce. Parents reach a breaking point where they feel completely helpless and filled with despair. Although there is no denying that Autism is devastating, it does not have to ruin lives. There can be a good life after the diagnosis – but it doesn’t come easy.

When you decide to become a mom you are agreeing to love and protect whatever child God gives you. No one ever promised me that I would be given perfect children. No one has ever been promised that. Being a mom is a gift but it is also a lifelong commitment. That child is counting on you to do whatever it takes to meet their needs - no matter what those needs are. So you've been given children with Autism....I agree, it's not fair. You have been given a challenge that a lot of parents will never have to face, but you haven't been given a death sentence. Your life is not over - your child's life is not over.

I am not an expert on all aspects of Autism and I do not pretend to be, but I am an expert on surviving its power to destroy lives. I have been the mom who locked herself in the bathroom and cried, afraid of the future, afraid of the day. But I have learned how to cope with my fears, and how to get on with the job of being a mom. The mother in this story isn't to be pitied - murder is murder. She wasn't sparing her children a life with autism - she was sparing herself a life with autism. She said she wanted normal kids. Who doesn't? I love my chidren with all my heart but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish they didn't have autism. I hate what austim has done to them. I hate how hard they have to work each day when other chidren their ages are out playing. I hate autism - but I LOVE my children.

So, I've ranted on and on long enough. I don't really know what else to say except that my heart breaks for those two children. Not because they had autism, but because they had a mother who was so selfish that she let her own needs outweigh theirs'. We in the autism community need to be outraged by this story. We need to let other mothers of children with autism know that there is a life after the diagnosis, but it is up to them. There is no easy fix for autism. The road ahead will be tough but they are Moms and Moms can't give up...ever!

Innocent Eyes

We've all heard the phrase: "don't judge a book by it's cover" but it's hard, right? We see someone and within seconds we've formulated an opinion about them. For that reason, as a society, we repeat another popular mantra: "you never get a second chance to make a first impression." So what does this say about us as a culture, that we try to live by both standards? I think it just says we are realistically-idealistic (which isn't always a bad thing). We are hopeful that we can take a deeper look at people and not make snap-judgements, but just in case they aren't living by this creed, we think we better be on our "A-Game."

If only we could all see the world through my son's eyes. The poor thing has many challenges ahead of him, but one blessed gift he possesses is the ability to see people for who they are. It doesn't matter what you look like to him. He doesn't care how you are dressed or how many presents you buy him. He isn't impressed with what type of car you drive (although if your car has a DVD player you might score some extra points) or with how much money you make. Will sees the world in terms of how they treat him. If you are kind, he will like you. If you pay attention to him when he needs your help, he will like you. If you treat him like he is special and important, he will like you. That's all it takes. Will judges the world by their actions, nothing more.

There are so many things that I wish I could teach my son, but this is one life-lesson, that he has definitely taught me.

"Lighten up Francis"

I was rereading some of my recent blogs to get an idea for today's post and I thought to myself: "Lighten up, Francis!"

...and that quote got me thinking...

Does today's generation of teens have the same type of shared pop-culture references that mine does? If I say "lighten up Francis" to a peer, it is almost a certainty that they will know that I am quoting the movie Stripes. Or what about if I say "I feel the need...the need for speed?" If you are about my age you are going to know that came from Top Gun. We have a shared reference guide of movies that almost all of us watched repeatedly as kids. It's hard for me to imagine that today's tweens will be able to do this in about 20 years. Movies just aren't the same. Yes, there are amazing action films and romantic comedies, but when was the last time you saw a movie like Breakfast Club? Would today's teens even want to watch it? Maybe I'm just biased but I think the 80's produced some fantastic movies - maybe not by critics standards - but movies that we could relate to. Movies that we wanted to watch over and over again. So, today I am going to share Katie's list of most quotable 80's films...but I'm only going to give you the quote. How many of these can you get before you click on the link? Enjoy!

1. "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"
2. "Ooh. Sexy Girlfriend."
3. "Yeah and your looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up."
4. "I thought this was a party. LET'S DANCE!"
5. "Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, d*ckheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
6. "Don't threaten me Al! You're out of shape, I'll kick your arse."
7. "So, why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?"
8. "I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh?"
9. "You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot."
10. "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

Well...how'd you do? Did I miss any of your favorites? Feel free to share others in the comments section!

Not Funny

Brace yourselves! I am about to climb up onto my soap box and really rant!

...big inhale...

"You're such a retard."

"What, do you ride the short-bus or something?"

We've all heard these types of comments made in jest at the expense of someone who has done something stupid. Everyone laughs, usually even the recipient, like it's a hilarious jab. Our own president even joked on Leno that his bowling was like the special olympics. When did it become o.k. to make fun of those that can't defend themselves? I'll be the first to admit that as a child I probably made such thoughtless comments thinking that I was really dishing a good insult...but then I grew up.

These are real people with real struggles and yet somehow it has become witty for comedians like Bill Maher to make offensive comments like: "Sarah Palin agreed to do commentary at Fox News. Which is actually very similar to her day job - talking to a baby with Down Syndrome." Did I miss the joke? Who actually finds this funny?

Some of you might be reading this thinking - Lighten up Katie...it's just a joke. Take a look at the picture above. That amazing little boy wants nothing more than to be loved. He loves unconditionally. I can't lighten up, because he is counting on me to fight his battles for him. So the next time you want to give someone a good zing...be a little more creative. Don't denigrate someone like my son just because you aren't clever enough to come up with anything original.

In other words, grow up.

Curve Balls

I was talking with a friend yesterday about life and how it doesn't seem to go the way we think it's going to. Most of us go through college and graduate with idealistic expectations. We can see our future...and it looks good. We honestly think we have it all figured out - that we can actually control our lives. If only it were that simple.

So then, we get pitched a curve ball by life. We swing and we miss. Now what? If you're anything like me, this makes you mad. This isn't the way things were supposed to go! I had a plan! I was supposed to be the stay-at-home Super Mom; taking the kids to the park and the pool; running around the backyard playing tag; & taking the kids for long bike rides. I wasn't supposed to be the Mom who can't keep up with her children. Having an artificial leg was not part of the plan. I was supposed to have these amazingly typical children that I would sit and do arts and crafts with and help practice T-Ball. I was not supposed to have children that scream and cry because they are frustrated that they can't talk. Autism was not a part of the plan either.

So the plan was shot to hell...now what? This is the point in life when we actually do regain control. We control how these curve balls are going to change us. First of all, let's all realize that NO ONE'S life goes exactly according to their plan. NO ONE is exempt from the curve balls of life. We are not alone in our struggles even if, at times, it feels like we are. We are all just trying to carve out the best life for ourselves that we can with what we've been given.

So the plan changes. Now the plan is to be the best Mom that I am capable of being. To make sure my children get the help they need to reach their individual potentials. To let these curve balls make me a better, stronger person than the person I was before. The new plan really isn't that bad - just different.

So yesterday was a huge victory for us. We had friends over for dinner. For most people this would be no big deal, but for us it was huge. How are the kids going to behave? Are we going to have meltdowns? Will we even be able to sit down and eat a normal meal with this couple or will it be a 3-ring circus all evening? We knew the risks but we gave it a shot and it paid off. The kids were fabulous - playing independently yet acknowledging that we had visitors. Bill and I were able to sit and eat while the kids played. The kids got peacefully tired and went right to sleep without a fight, allowing us to continue visiting until after 10 o'clock. When our guests left I looked at Bill and said: "that was perfect." I was so proud of the children. It was so nice to just sit and talk with other "grown-ups" for a change. In that instant I felt like we had a normal life, things actually resembled the original picture that I had in my head all those years ago. Maybe the plan had changed but maybe the outcome would be the same.

I know that today or tomorrow could throw me another curve ball. I could have another set-back with the children's progress or another in-your-face example of the limitations that my leg places on me, but I feel optimistic. I know that on those hard days I can stop and pull out the pictures in my mind from last night's victory when life seemed so normal. So the next time that I strike out, I will know to step right back into the batter's box.