Giving Republicans a Bad Name

As I have stated before, I am a proud card carrying member of the Republican Party. I am just about as conservative as a person can get (without being crazy - although some who have talked politics with me may debate that last point) and I make no apologies for the beliefs and values that I hold dear. Love me or hate me...this is who I am.

It is because I am proud to be a Republican that I was so disappointed in Rush Limbaugh's recent Letter to President Obama. Although I may agree with many of Mr. Limbaugh's core concerns regarding the President's performance thus far, I do not agree with the rude manner in which he delivered them. Whether you agree with his policies or not, he is our president, and with that comes a certain amount of respect. To address him by his first name is completely inappropriate, and to make light of his lack of a father figure is disgusting. This is not the voice that I want associated with my beloved party!

Looking for joy

For the last 3 years I have been creating a DVD picture slide show in January, to recap the previous years' events. This is truly a labor of love since I have hundreds of pictures to sort through and edit each year. This year I started the DVD with over 1200 pictures -- 3 hours in length. Wow ! That is a lot of memories. After much editing the final version was 42 minutes long and jam packed with joy. We had a birth, birthdays, holidays, vacations, and random fun spent with family. So why do I do this? I have all of these pictures in scrapbooks. These DVDs are wonderful reminders of just how blessed my family is. I may have struggles - my children may have struggles - but we have a very full life surrounded by family that truly loves and supports us.

It is so easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day obstacles and stresses and lose sight of the big picture. Joy isn't always so "in your face." Sometimes we really have to look for it or make it ourselves. On really tough days I pop in one of these DVDs and I thank God for the amazing family that he gave me. I am not alone in my struggles or triumphs - in my darkest and brightest times, they are there with me.

So, I wanted to share a little of my joy with you. I have taken a very small snip-it of the video I just finished and uploaded it to youtube for all of you to see. Stop and think about your 2009 - I bet if you look hard enough you'll see that it was filled with more joy than you realized.

Feeling like a dud

Brace yourself because this blog is a bit heavy...

So I'm in a little bit of a funk these days. We all have those times when we aren't mad or sad necessarily, but we're also not totally happy...what is it? What has brought this mood on and why won't it leave? For me, being in a funk is torture. I thrive on being happy and optimistic and all that Mary Poppins mumbo jumbo. I can usually John Wayne my way through any bad mood - I just suck it up and power through until I'm back to my usual happy self. I've been trying to analyze myself. I started thinking: is it the gray, winter weather? or is it because I need to exercise? Maybe I miss having a social life or maybe I'm just tired.

The truth is - it's probably all of those and then some. I'll be 35 next month. I'm not one of those people who freaks out about getting older because I know that each birthday is a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted. But birthdays always cause me to reflect on where I'm at in life compared to where I thought I'd be...and this year, it just isn't measuring up. Today, instead of feeling like a vibrant, interesting, young mother of two I feel like a run-down woman with nothing of interest to offer the world besides being someone's Mom. I know that sounds horrible...I LOVE being a Mom. It is my greatest accomplishment and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but is that all I am? Am I just Will & Jessica's Mom? There are so many things that I use to be that I'm not any more. I use to be so passionate about horseback riding - leaving work and rushing out to the barn to ride before coming home to make dinner for Bill. I use to be so social - going out with girlfriends and cutting loose. I use to exercise all the time - a true endorphin junky. I use to feel like a woman and not just a Mom...someone interesting and fun to be around. What happened?

Reasonable Katie knows...life happened. Being a good Mom has always been my priority. I pride myself on putting my kids' needs first and with that comes sacrifice. There are only so many hours in the day and only so much money - after you take out the time and money needed for the children there just isn't any left for frivolous things like expensive hobbies or active social lives. That's just the way it is and 99% of the time I am totally o.k. with that sacrifice. The past few days happen to be that other 1% of the time. Not sure what brought it all on - why do I feel so uninteresting - but I know this mood won't last. But for today I think I need to channel my inner Stuart Smalley instead of my inner John Wayne, and remind myself that: "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!" We'll see if that helps.

I was feeling nostalgic today and decided to look through some of my old photo albums -- one of my favorite things to do. I was reminded of wild times at OU - partying with dear friends who I still cherish today; fun times with even older friends from high school who I still stay in touch with; and finally, special times with my brothers and sister who know me better than anyone else and yet still love me.

It was the last one that stuck with me as I put the photo albums away...my siblings. I think about all that we've shared and experienced together and how much we have depended on each other at different times in our lives - I feel so blessed. But I also feel sad. I think about my two children and their relationship with one another. It is nothing like the special bond that I share with my three siblings. Autism steals so much from you & sadly this is just one more thing to add to the list. There are times when they interact with one another, but it is rare and superficial. There are no long talks - no arguments - not even unions formed to battle Mom & Dad. I know they love each other - at least I hope they do - but they are missing out on so much. Will they be able to turn to each other for comfort & support some day when life hurts them? Will they share secrets and dreams with each other that Mom & Dad can't know? Will they cherish each other the way I cherish my siblings? I hope so.

I know they are still so very young and have their entire lives ahead of them to build this treasured relationship, but it still worries me. I am so thankful for my siblings - they helped me become the person I am today. I pray that Will and Jessica can someday say the same.

The Beautiful People

This story was too good not to share. Apparantly there is a website that is only for beautiful people. You have to be voted in and can be bounced back out if you let yourself go. There are a lot of people that are outraged by this, but I mostly just think it's sad. Granted, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to take care of your appearance and wanting others to think you are attractive. We'd all be lying if we didn't admit that there is a part of all of us that's wants someone out there to find us desirable -- come on, admit it! But these poor people have let this desire consume them. How can they ever truly be happy?

Passion

Every month I post a quote on my website (well, not last month because I forgot with the crazy move). I select quotes that contain a thought or feeling that strikes a chord in me. This month's is a doozy. This quote completely describes how I live my life...full of passion.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been one of those people who does and feels everything with such intensity; whether it is love, determination, fear, anticipation, regret, or hatred. This isn't all good though. When you put your entire heart and soul into everything you are bound to get hurt from time to time; whether it's in your love life, your family life, your social life, your career life...you get the point. No one wins all the time, and when you are truly passionate about something and you lose - it hurts. Life will disappoint us from time to time, but that's o.k. I can finally say, at the age of 34, that I like who I am. I like that I know who I am. I am a passionately stubborn person with strong opinions and beliefs. I can love so intensely that it feels like my heart is going to burst and I can feel such rage that I almost scare myself. This is who I am. I live each second of every day with all the passion and optimism of a small child and I hope that never changes.

So as I begin 2010 it is no surprise that I am overflowing with excitement and optimism. A new year means a fresh start...so naturally I have set up some goals for myself. Some are life changing and some are small potatoes...but I know I will attack each one with the same level of determination. Here goes:

1. make time to exercise
2. get my family on a healthier diet
3. finish my teaching license
4. get a full-time teaching job
5. sorry, but this one's a secret

Now some of these are out of my control (which really burns me up) but they are staying on the list anyways. We'll check back in 12 months and see how I did.

Here's my challenge to you: try to live 2010 with more passion. What's the point of it all if you don't?